There is nothing more stilling..

..helplessness can feel like uselessness and stumble downwards from there into a pit of questionable existential nothingness.

These past days have been hard. Particularly hard.

I’ve been sad and morose in my energies.

I feel that this is can be somewhat equitable, though, to the weather. We have had a harsh freeze descend in Alaska. On a day that I had to go to the bank, my long winter coat couldn’t suffice against the -23 weather. I had to wear a thick bathrobe on top of a knit sweater under my coat. The young man at the bank scoffed at our local forecast and informed me that out by the lake he woke up to -35 below. Most things in Alaska can be boiled down to competition, endurance being our proudest sport.

And then

Before the freeze was over, my uncle passed away in his sleep. Cold.

Everything “..moves forward while your soul tears backwards.”

We know that he missed a pancake breakfast at his church in town. His neighbor called on his cabin to discover my uncle wasn’t feeling well. The neighbor had offered to take him to the hospital but my uncle had refused, insisting that no hospital could help him. By the next morning, my uncle was gone.

Initially, I didn’t know how to process the news. I picked up my yarn and started a new blanket. (the stitch was… sc, hdc, dc, all in one then skip two and repeat) I was up well past midnight loosing myself in the methodical meditation. There really is no immediate closure to be had upon the news of death. I realized I was also particularly afraid of being unable to mend the grief of others. Helplessness can feel like uselessness and stumble downwards from there into a pit of questionable existential nothingness.

As a consideration from God though, the weather did ease before the day of the funeral. We had been massively dumped on with the most amount of snow to be seen all winter collectively but the temperatures did warm. My Uncle’s best friend, a man almost more large and grizzly than him, ended the service by low singing a hymn of blues unto the lord.

It rained afterwards. The rain came upon us overnight and stopped by morning. The rising temperatures defeated us also as the top layer of snow melted and froze. My driveway right now, is dangerous. I had a man stop by earlier to buy a vintage hand made sock monkey I listed on fb marketplace and he almost fell before he made it to my door.

The weather in Alaska is cruel.

The danger in this cruelty is that it is also beautiful.

smclopez.

The first Northern Lights at dusk lay draped around your neck

I feel accomplished. I feel pride in my work and I feel a great breath of ease and relaxation overtake me as I look over my work.

    There is no greater feeling than accomplishment. Whenever I finish a crochet project, I get dosed with this exact natural high. I feel accomplished. I feel pride in my work and I feel a great breath of ease and relaxation overtake me as I look over my work.

Braided cowls are currently trending. When I discovered the free pattern online, I immediately made 5. First I started off using Lionbrand multicolored dyed acrylic yarn and those first 3 cowls sold for 25.00 each off facebook. Then I stepped up with some of my wool blended multicolored yarn -mixed in some solid acrylic colors and sold that cowl for 40.00 at a craft bazaar. Now here is my last and finest cowl so far as modeled by my daughter… who is two seconds away from bursting into tears because I pulled her away from Disney Infinity for a trial run in modeling.

If you are also interested in the free online pattern, visit it here at ravelry:
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/double-layered-braided-cowl

I altered my cowl by adding width with extra textured rows.

Additionally, if you click the link provided below the photo on this post, you will find my very first etsy listing this cowl! My etsy progress is slow because I am stumbling with the display and photography aspect of listing products. I have settled on the concept of using my daughter as a model until I figure out something more mature/professional. Soon, we will visit the river for a full photoshoot of all my product.

cowl3
Click to visit listing!

 

Good morning and good year!

Although I’ve been mentally planning for two weeks now on how I want to create an online presence for myself, I still find this an incredibly anxious venture.

 

                         Once my eyes were open, the chill seemed to settle intolerably.

So my first entry. Although I’ve been mentally planning for two weeks now on how I want to create an online presence for myself, I still find this an incredibly anxious venture. I’ve listened to a multitude of podcasts focusing on how to create a successful etsy business and all of them emphasized on the importance of exposure through various forms of multi media. Number one, pinterest was stressed. Reference: Etsy Conversations podcast

To Do List. TACKLE PINTEREST
I suppose I need to take lots of pictures of product and have my etsy ready first.

But then! I discovered podcasts by Michael Hyatt stressing furthermore the importance of having something of a home base that people can refer to in order to connect with on a sort of personal level, if I understood that right. Ultimately, I began to overwhelm myself with this seemingly giant spiderweb of an evolving to do list. I realize though, that I do need a blog.

I need to not only create social exposure for my products, but I need the therapy of writing which I have long been neglecting. I have not submitted poetry for publish in over a year. I personally felt peaked for a minute last year. I was a guest speaker on a radio show that in the prior week had hosted my absolute FAVORITE poet of the state! To be acknowledged, to felt sought after and to be approached for discussion by anyone felt monumental. And then at that point for absolutely no reason I just stopped.

I have a stack of unread poetry. I have a larger stack of unfinished stories. And I am smothering myself in my own small bubble of a socially isolated world.

So now, for more reason than possible monetary gain, I want to blog. I hope this scheduled blogging will be an exercise in literary commitment to train my brain. I also hope to broaden my social horizon.

Isn’t that possible?